I'm Dreaming of a Tight Christmas

This is an excerpt of ideas taken from the book The Complete Tightwad Gazette by Amy Dacyczyn, pages 493-496.

If you give in to the pressure to buy expensive gifts despite your wishes, understand why you are doing this; and why you lack the courage to say =no. You may believe people perceive inexpensive gifts as signs that you are "poor," "cheap", and/or "thoughtless." Self-esteem becomes entangled with gift giving.

In addressing the perception of being "poor," consider that inexpensive gifts are often a sign of different values and priorities. You can afford the expensive gifts, but you prefer to spend your money on things that have a higher priority for you. Or you prefer to work fewer hours so that you can have more quality time with your family.

If you fear people will think you are "cheap" or "thoughtless", ask yourself if you would be happy with the quality of the gift you are giving. If you buy yourself expensive goods from Bloomingdale's, people will justifiably feel that it's inconsistent for you to buy them bargains from the dollar store. In contrast, if you always seek out bargains for yourself, others will be far more likely to accept them as presents from you.

Having a clear vision of your financial goals and making sure that frugal gifts are consistent with your whole lifestyle provide the self-esteem that's essential in dealing with those who make expensive demands of you.

Once we gain the confidence to say no, we further desire that our coworkers, friends, and family will accept, and perhaps even adopt, frugal gift giving themselves. There are two ways I know of to achieve this:

THE UP-FRONT PLAN
Talk about it.

Your first inclination may be to hold the discussion on Christmas Day, since everyone is in one place, but that isn't the best time. People could easily interpret what you say as a rejection of what they just gave you. Bring it up at a graduation party, a summer reunion, or some gathering that's at least a couple of months before Christmas.

You may be surprised to find how receptive other people are to the idea. Many people feel that Christmas is too commercialized, but they believe other people like it that way.

If you all agree that gift-giving has gotten out of hand, the next step is to decide on an alternative.

Many of these may sound familiar to you, but you can use this list as a tool to guide the discussion.

1. For acquaintances and friends who have become distant geographically, you might simply decide to exchange cards rather than gifts.

2. Draw names within families or between extended families, rather than buying for and receiving from everyone. (NOTE -- this is not in her book ---: you may wish to agree on a $$ limit in advance so that those who have less to spend don't feel badly when someone else can afford to spend more. For example, in my husband's family we rotate names of his siblings and there is a $30 spending limit for the entire family.)

3. Shift to "household" gifts, rather than gifts to everyone in a household.

4. Try alternative gifts. Make a rule that only food can be exchanged. Suggest more swapping of services such as baby-sitting. Money that would be spent on a gift could be used to take a family trip or donated to charity.

(Again a note from me -- not in the book: One year I "gave" my brother a certificate for a year's worth of mending. His wife does not sew. She was thrilled. He bought several pairs of dress pants and I shortened them for him as his length is 29" and it is difficult for him to find pants that are 29's not, 30's. Another "service" I gift I do is taking my parents a "casserole" 2x a month for a year. My mother is quite ill and it helps my dad a lot to know that dinner will be there for him to just stick in the oven. It also helps me spread out the cost of my gift over time. I have been known to arrange/compose music for people or record my piano playing onto a CD. My parents were thrilled, and the cost to me was almost nothing. :)

So use your imagination and think about what talents you have that you could give as a gift.)

5. Set a spending limit, say $5, and then challenge yourselves to see how wonderful and creative you can be within that price range.

THE COVERT PLAN
If it's too late to discuss the problem with your family this year, or if you are sure the discussion would be fruitless, try showing them.

Although extravagance has seldom been a problem in my family, if it were, I would regard frugal gift giving as my mission to show others how much more fun inexpensive gifts can be....

...If you chose the covert plan, consider these points:

1. To successfully convert people, your gift must be excellent. Gifts that are inappropriate or poorly made will fail. Frugal gift giving usually requires more time and/or thought. Let your desire to prove your point drive your efforts. If those on your gift list think inexpensive equals inferior, make and extra effort to "bowl them over" with your cleverness.

2. Start slowly. In some families, where extravagant, commercial holidays are deeply entrenched, change can require several years....Each tiny success will slowly erode their prejudice.

3. Provide information. Although it's generally considered tacky to divulge the cost of a gift, it's essential if you want to educate the receiver. I always tell my children how much I paid and how much the equivalent would have cost. If my friend thinks my homemade fits is store bought, I "accidentally" let it out of the bag that I made it....I might also add share how easy the gift was to make, how much the materials cost, and offer a set of instructions. (Note -- me again-- Personally, I wouldn't take this approach, but to each their own. You have to carefully consider the recipient and how they will receive such information. )

4. Be confident. Never apologize for the "humbleness" of your gift. Don't even let the thought enter your mind. If you think giving your children gifts from yard sales is a sign that you are "poor", they will pick up on your feeling and believe the gift is inferior. This is also true when giving to adults. The way you feel about the gift will, to some degree, be reflected by the recipient.

In attempting either the upfront plan or the covert plan, it helps to explain why you want to save money. If you choose the upfront plan, this reason should be a part of your discussion. If you choose the covert plan, frequently mention your financial goals to those around you. If you let everyone know you are saving for a down payment on a house, what reasonable person could fault you?

But if others still see your frugal gift giving as "poor," "cheap", and/or "thoughtless," use....

THE BUZZ-OFF PLAN

It's unreasonable for others to expect you to spend in accordance with their values.

And it isn't written anywhere that the cost of your gift has to match the cost of theirs. In some cases, both parties can be comfortable with the "inequity".

But even if you do encounter hostility, consider this to be their problem, not yours. If everyone had the courage to ask for a change, Christmas could be transformed from a marketing opportunity into the holiday it was meant to be.

Me again: That's the end of that passage from the book. I will keep thinking of some frugal gifts I have given or seen others give, and I will try to post them very soon. If you have some suggestions, please comment! We can all benefit from new ideas. Thanks!